“What is it you wish to do with your one wild and precious life?”-The Summer Day,Mary Oliver
One year and a few months from now, I will be in college.
OH GOOD GOD,WHAT?
Cue panic,bewilderment,stricken expressions taking over my face and a complete mental blanket blackout of all thoughts that try to head in that direction(read:trickle into that pit hole).
I’ve tried to avoid thinking about it,but I’ve been racking up the worry and the time I have at my disposal is slimming into ungraspable sections.And so…here is my coerced confrontation with myself:a blog post.
I am terrified of college.When I leave school,I will be bidding Adieu(maybe I should say Au Revoir?) to the comfortable little zone I’m in.My friends and I might be scattered across different states, leave alone the globe.
And-I’m bringing out the big guns here:college means college-hunting.The very term scares me.All ye in countries where letters from colleges arrive at your doorstep,consider yourselves beyond lucky.We here tend to delve into databases full of fuzzy information to pull out possible paths…after which we attack doorways to those paths like deranged lunatics in an attempt to investigate whether said path is the right one.(Or maybe it’s just me.)
Connected with the choice of colleges lies the choice of courses.I think I’m doing Literature.I think.I hope this is one decision I have it in me to stick by.Oh,I’m also growing afraid that I’ll somehow miss college application/test deadlines.
Another question:what if I’m not happy in whatever college I do choose to study in?What if I make a terrible decisions and I realize it much later?
And then there are the questions that don’t really have definite answers.I don’t know if I’m setting myself goals I can’t possibly achieve.Maybe the universities I think about joining are beyond my capacity.My self-evaluation might be dreadful.I may be overestimating my abilities.
Though that reminds me:
“It is our choices that show who we truly are far more than our abilities.”-Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
On hindsight,seeing as how I have to make choices here,that isn’t…really comforting.
Worries,worries,worries,worries.I’m even worried that I’m not worrying enough.Surely as a student on the brink of her collegiate life,I should be more concerned about what it is I want to do?
Or maybe I’m way too concerned.
Maybe a year from now,everything’ll be clear to me.
A year and a few months probably seems like a very long time to all but those stuck in the middle of utter confusion.Or those starving in the middle of a wasteland with no access to civilization.Or those who’ve been abandoned by their Wi-Fi.Or-worst of all-those attempting to get a hold of books and music that simply have insanely good copyright mechanisms.
Hoping to write a companion post to this in 2017 that will describe a me with happy conclusions and exciting beginnings,
P.S.On a happier note,today marks the 67th year of our(the Indian) Constitution’s implementation.I might’ve half-ignored that a year ago,but this year finds me more conscious of the largeness of that achievement.Happy Republic Day,everyone!